Category Archives: Self-Emasculation

Discouraging Husbands From Reading The Bible

Mike Winger runs the Bible Thinker ministry. In their very brief About Us section, they say,

BibleThinker is a ministry dedicated to helping you learn to think biblically about everything.

This title is very ironic considering how Mike has chosen to preach on marriage. In his Bible study titled “How To Be A Husband” – The LOST art of biblical manliness!, Mike does what most preachers today are want to do. This is a sermon absolutely swarming with insufferable “cute” moments wherein Mike tells an unfunny self-deprecating story, mocks men in general, sucks up to women, the usual fare. He does at least pretend to be preaching from the Scripture, but then dropped this little gem at 28:45:

This video was uploaded on December 10th, 2015.

But, this is our calling: To nourish and to cherish her, so I, I tried to remind myself of these words, and I encourage husbands to do the same. To learn and study Ephesians, ignoring the part about what your wife is supposed to do, and focusing on the part about what we’re supposed to do. Because, I can’t be the evaluator of her, it’s- her is unto the Lord. I’m not her evaluator, I’m not her boss, I’m not that. I’m an authority in the marriage, but I’m not, I’m not, the boss. That’s, gosh, if your boss followed you home, *laughs* and tried to be the boss of everything you did, you wouldn’t have a good relationship with him. *laughs*

I can imagine one of Mike’s peers scolding him: “Mike! Dude, you’re not supposed to tell them that!” Talk about letting the mask slip!

Telling men to mind their own business about wifely submission is mainstream in Christian churches, but Mike has taken it to a whole new level. This is a man whose ministry motto is to help people think biblically, and as part of his strategy, he is straight up telling husbands to ignore what the Bible says. He’s afraid that if husbands were to start reading those dreaded passages about wifely submission, they might commit the dreaded sin of quoting those passages to their wives, and that’s ABUSE. I’m not joking in the slightest:

This video was uploaded on December 5th, 2015.

I memorize the Scriptures to the husband, I don’t memorize the ones to my wife because that wouldn’t be healthy for me. *laughs* It’s not about me making sure, you know, in fact, I’ve never opened the Bible, went to my wife, and said, “You know, it says, here you’re supposed to submit.” I’ve never done that cuz I do consider that to be abuse. I don’t think that that’s, um, I don’t think that’s what I’m called to do. I’m not saying there’s never any scenario where you could do that, but I haven’t found one yet, um, where I’ve done that to my bride. Um, even, even if I felt she was not in submission to me in some way I just was like, it’s not my job. She’s not my child, she’s my bride.

Because of statements like this, these videos are intensely difficult to listen to, so I haven’t listened to them from beginning to end. It’s likely Mike examined Ephesians 5:25-27 at some point, but whether he did or not, we need to recognize that there is a mandate here that commands husbands to teach their wives what the Bible says.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

By Mike Winger’s definition of abuse, God himself was commanding husbands to abuse their wives. This is complementarian hatred for husbands epitomized. What may shock you even more, however, is that as recently as September of this year, Mike Winger revealed that he still hasn’t even got out of the infancy stages of his studies of the subject.

Streamed live on September 24th, 2021

What are some good books for important topics like systematic theology, hermeneutics, complementarianism? Well, complementarianism, I’m just gonna have to say, I’m working on it. *laughs* Let me, lemme, I’ll make some book recommendations on that one when I teach on that in, however long it’s gonna take. I’m still in the beginning stages of the research there.

Complementarian hatred for the authority of the husband is so widespread that even Christian pastors like Mike Winger can harbor it without even being aware that his mentality has a doctrinal name. He won’t need to read many books written by complementarians before he discovers they’re his allies in his feminist crusade. The primary difference between them and Mike is that none of the best complementarians would be caught dead telling husbands to ignore what the Bible says. They may agree with just about everything else he says, but even for them, that’s going too far.

My Favorite “Iron Rule”

Iron Rule of Tomassi #9
Never Self-Deprecate under any circumstance.

The Iron Rules is the chapter I will recommend people start with when I recommend The Rational Male to their reading. Most people are reluctant to read a book in the first place, so I say if you can’t make yourself read any other part of the book, at least read through The Iron Rules. The ninth rule listed above is easily my favorite, and I want to explain why.

Christian men always self-deprecate. From the pulpit, of course, but in day-to-day interactions too. We act like it’s an indication of virtue on the part of the men who do it. One easy example is a pastor in the pulpit making some unfunny joke about his wife’s only imperfection being her taste in men. That’s a common phenomena, but I see it as even more pervasive than that. Men in the exclusive company of other men routinely cut themselves down. Someone mentions working out, and another man pipes up to inform the group that he would go to the gym, but the boss-man (his wife) won’t let him. Some guy talks about his hobby, and makes sure to tell everyone that his wife loathed it so much he had to make a “man-cave” to pursue his interests. This is typical, unsolicited self-deprecation committed voluntarily by Christian men all the time.

This behavior goes beyond men-bad, women-good, of course. For example, some guy talks about working out, and another man, likely obese and generally unattractive, self-deprecates without even mentioning his wife. “Man, I would work out, but I’m just too lazy, and I just love pizza and ice cream too much! Lol!”

Clearly Christian men don’t think it’s inappropriate to joke about their personal failures in this way. That’s why I think Iron Rule #9 is my personal favorite, because making the conscious decision to live by it gives you light-bulb moment after light-bulb moment in your day-to-day interactions. I can personally attest to this, having been trained for most of my life to see self-deprecation as a good thing. In The Rational Male on page 234, Rollo wrote a couple sentences that make this point especially clear:

The message is ‘women love men who laugh at Men’. Thus, you have to be hyper-aware of it and unlearn it. You have to catch yourself in mid-sentence so to speak. Women operate in the sub-communications and when you overtly admit to a lack of confidence in yourself or your collective gender you may as well just LFBJ yourself.

Page 234 of The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi

Rollo was talking mostly about women in this particular paragraph, but I would extend this to interactions where men are your primary or only audience. You do have to be hyper-aware of it, because catching yourself before you open your mouth takes a conscious, focused act of the will. The action itself is simple; It’s just keeping your mouth shut, basically. But, when you do stop yourself from self-deprecating, you will immediately feel a strong desire being denied its usual satisfaction. You want to make yourself look bad. It’s uncomfortable to not do it. But, it’s an eye-opening moment, because now you’re starting to see your self-deprecation for what it really is. Before you thought it was no big deal, but then you actually implemented the rule, and now it’s clear that it is a very big deal indeed. You really wanted to cut yourself down in front of your friends and family.

Stopping yourself before self-deprecation is good for you. The more you do it, the more your realize how pathetic it was all along. You enjoyed taking the opportunity to advertise what a loser you are. Heck, it gets you cheap laughs, doesn’t it? Relieves a little anxiety, right? Keeps everyone’s expectations low, and you can take comfort in embracing the truth that you’re just a lame, unexceptional dude among many. Stopping and recognizing your insecure behavior for what it really is will only reinforce your desire to keep it to yourself.

To my readers, if this is a lesson you haven’t learned yet, I highly recommend it. Implementing rule #9 yields immediate results. You don’t have to be in denial about your negative self image, but for God’s sake and your own, keep it to yourself! You will instantly see why once you take that simple step. Just because you have a character flaw relevant to the topic of conversation does not mean you should tell everyone about it. Stifle that desire to expose your failings! Your friends and family won’t even know to think less of you if you don’t tell them about it in the first place, so stop being your own worst enemy. You want to know a basic, simply way to improve your own confidence and self-esteem in general? This is the way to go.

Running all the big decisions by the missus first.

Last month Foster posted the following Tweet:

Bnonn liked this Tweet so much that he thought it worthy to incorporate into the notes for one of their email updates. Sharkly forwarded it to me, and as you can see, they changed the wording to reflect that they both govern their marriages in the same way.

Btw, every major to medium decision we make, we run past our wives. Is this because we need their approval to make a decision? Not at all. It’s because we desire their wisdom and feminine insight. They are our helpmates on our mission, and we find them to be very helpful. Thank God for godly wives!

It’s one thing to run some household-related decisions past your wife. It’s not necessarily for her approval, but she takes care of the house and kids, so she might have some insight or helpful suggestions to give. You might move ahead with that decision in spite of her protests, which is all well and good. However, with Foster and Bnonn, they go way beyond that. It’s not just some of the big decisions limited to the home, but every major one they make! And not just the big ones, but the medium ones too! All of them!

Both of these men know how bad this might sound to the skeptics in their audience. There’s a reason they assured their readers that they’re not doing this for their wives’ approval. Even if it were true, they only made themselves look bad in another way. These men aspire to be mentors of biblical masculinity to other Christian men. How on earth do they expect to accomplish that while also proudly proclaiming that they need their wives help to make every decision that doesn’t count as little?

Self-Delusion On Full Display

Noel Bouche wrote the following at the Men Stepping Up blog back in 2015:

And it’s hard enough to deal with testosterone, a fairly familiar and predictable substance; now we’re expected to deal skillfully with this utterly foreign material called estrogen? Just the thought of it can be emotionally exhausting, especially for someone like me who usually just wants to be left alone to retreat into a dark, silent man cave at the end of the day. Yet that is our calling, and these precious warrior princesses deserve nothing less than everything God has purposed for them to receive from their daddies.

First, real men don’t have “man caves”.

Second, there is no way Noel Bouche really believes his daughters are warriors. You can’t write at length that a daughter needs tenderness, kindness, hugs, hand-holding, etc., and still believe she’s a “warrior”.

Often, I’m not as tender as I should be because I forget how delicate their hearts are. You’d think after fifteen years of marriage I’d be cognizant every moment that no matter how tough, independent, and formidable my wife and daughters may be externally, internally their feminine soul will respond only to tenderness from me (see Hosea 2:14).

What we’re witnessing is a man taking great care to prove just how much he appreciates the manliness of the women in his life. His wife and daughters are delicate and in need of tender care, but they’re also tough, independent, and dangerous!

In reality, women are none of these things. One punch can land them in the hospital. Take away their money, and they transform into prostitutes. Tell them their cooking was lousy, and they break down in tears. They are in desperate need for protection and a gentle-hand, but this necessarily means they are not tough, independent, or anything of the sort.

Noel’s fantasy is clearly at odds with reality, and he knows this. He could have simply advised his readers on how to love their daughters as they truly are, but even if he only did that much, it would be too much. The very act of simply allowing the truth to stand on its own would shatter the illusion he wants to maintain. Some falsehood must be mixed into his parenting advice in order to keep his fantasy afloat. That’s what happens when you treasure the approval of feminists in the church. You lie and promote lies. That’s a sad reality when Christians are supposed to be lovers of the truth.