Not so long ago I had a discussion with some family members about weddings being a church-sanctioned slut-fest for the women. For some reason, the bride, her maids, and even the women in the pews think it’s okay to wear low-hanging tops, super transparent dresses, skirts with slits, and so on. The bride especially seems to get away with the most blatant of it all, in terms of the low-cut tops.
Why do Christians allow this? It’s the same reason fathers in homes are reluctant to confront their teenage daughter when she starts breaking the boundaries for proper attire in his home. When daddy’s girl suddenly starts wearing inappropriate outfits, most fathers with rose-tinted glasses are stunned. They’re reluctant to confront her because they can’t comprehend what’s going on. Why is my baby girl doing this when she knows full-well I don’t approve of this?
The answer is simple: She knows you don’t want to confront her. It’s a dare- what the manosphere likes to call a s**t-test.
Daughters don’t usually ask permission to wear a slutty/near-slutty outfit. They just start wearing it to see what happens; To see if daddy will actually make them put on something more appropriate. This is a painful thing for a father to endure, even if he does muster up the willpower to call her out. No father wants to deal with that if he has to. He would rather delude himself that his daughter has a good reason for it, or even a lame but semi-plausible excuse. For example:
“It’s a prom dress! It’s only for one night!”
“I don’t have anything else to wear!”
“I’ll only be wearing it around the house!”
“It’s just when I’m hanging out with my friends!”
Daughters give these kind of excuses, hoping that their dad will just let the issue go. They have good reason to hope that will happen, because very often, it does. They know their dad is their friend, and he doesn’t relish the prospect of getting into a confrontation. Should Daddy have the nerve to see through this nonsense and call his daughter out anyway, there’s something else to worry about. It’s when his daughter goes to her mother for sympathy behind your back, and the wife confronts her husband.
“Our daughter is 15! It’s not a big deal! She needs to have her freedom! You know we can’t control her forever!”
Most men can see through this B.S. The Mom is fighting for her daughter’s freedom to be a slut.* The response to this kind of confrontation is very simple. It could be,
“Stop. Our daughter isn’t allowed to dress like that. End of discussion.”
“Our 15-year old daughter is trying to dress like a whore. That is a VERY big deal to me, and I’m the man of this house. You will not team-up with my own daughter against me like I’m the enemy. I get it- We can’t control her forever, but we can now, and we will. If you find her wearing inappropriate clothes, you’re going to take them from her and throw them away the very same day. She doesn’t need “freedom”. She needs to act like the Christian she claims to be.”
It takes resolve for a man to stand his ground against his wife, but most Christian men simply don’t have it. When we cave early in life, are we at all surprised that daddy’s baby girl wears a strapless-dress with a super low cut top at her wedding? Of course we aren’t. By now that’s an accepted practice to which no one dare raise objection.
That’s what the battle for modest apparel boils down to: A dare. Go ahead, tell your daughter not to wear jeans- see how much WRATH you will incur from your friends/neighbors if you do! Tell your daughter her prom-dress is too-low cut, and tell her she will not be permitted to attend unless she dresses like a lady. Let’s see you do it, big man! You sure you’ll do it? Do you have the guts? You know she’ll hate you. She’ll cry. She’ll try and turn your wife against you, and then you’ll have to deal with HER next.
When I talked about this with my family, I realized that most men won’t even try to impose a modesty standard at weddings specifically because they’re facing this battle alone.
However, if only the groom and 2 other men agree that they will not tolerate immodesty at the wedding no matter the fallout… Then… Who is going to stop them?
I doubt most Christian men have ever considered this before, but it’s quite simple. Think about it- It takes 1, maybe 2 men to keep the doors locked and only allow select persons into the building. As long as those men are prepared to turn away any woman at all- even the mother of the bride herself on the wedding day, then the problem is solved.
Bear in mind that you will have women who will test your resolve. I expect that on my or my brothers wedding days, some nice Christian lady will hear of our rule against, say, low-cut tops, and decide to take this opportunity to flaunt her disrespect. As men, we wouldn’t expect her to. After all, we had been reasonable, so surely, she will be reasonable in return! This is our wedding, we were clear about the dress code, and she wouldn’t pull some dirty trick on today of all days! That would be horrible!
But then this nice Christian lady does exactly that. Why wouldn’t she? She’s going to dress the way she likes, and no MAN is going to stand in her way. She has every reason to expect that she can break the rules and get away with it. This isn’t daring for her- the only one being dared is you. Surely you won’t turn her away at the door- it’s the wedding day! She’s the mother of the bride! Just let her in!
Most Christian men would just give up imposing their standard of modesty at this point. There was no plan for something like this! They probably prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let her screw with us today. Just let this one day be one where she just does what we asked!” But God didn’t grant your request, and you just feel that sinking feeling in your chest when you realize it’s all on you to put a stop to this, and you know you don’t have what it takes.
That’s why you have to plan ahead to take the ultimate dare. If you’re going to impose a modesty standard, prepare as if the absolute worst case scenario is a guarantee. Prepare mentally, as though the wedding ceremony will have to proceed without the mother of the bride and/or groom. Hopefully, the worst will not happen. But should you dare to impose your standard, be prepared to accept the worst.
*God only knows how it is that mothers find it so important to fight for their daughter’s freedom to act like a whore. I don’t understand why. No husband thinks it critically important to defend his son’s desire to have sex with women. But even Christian mothers have this unique, bizarre desire to prove what a friend they are to their daughters by going to bat for them when daddy disapproves of her whorish behavior. I welcome discussion on this.