Category Archives: Stoic Manhood

My Favorite “Iron Rule”

Iron Rule of Tomassi #9
Never Self-Deprecate under any circumstance.

The Iron Rules is the chapter I will recommend people start with when I recommend The Rational Male to their reading. Most people are reluctant to read a book in the first place, so I say if you can’t make yourself read any other part of the book, at least read through The Iron Rules. The ninth rule listed above is easily my favorite, and I want to explain why.

Christian men always self-deprecate. From the pulpit, of course, but in day-to-day interactions too. We act like it’s an indication of virtue on the part of the men who do it. One easy example is a pastor in the pulpit making some unfunny joke about his wife’s only imperfection being her taste in men. That’s a common phenomena, but I see it as even more pervasive than that. Men in the exclusive company of other men routinely cut themselves down. Someone mentions working out, and another man pipes up to inform the group that he would go to the gym, but the boss-man (his wife) won’t let him. Some guy talks about his hobby, and makes sure to tell everyone that his wife loathed it so much he had to make a “man-cave” to pursue his interests. This is typical, unsolicited self-deprecation committed voluntarily by Christian men all the time.

This behavior goes beyond men-bad, women-good, of course. For example, some guy talks about working out, and another man, likely obese and generally unattractive, self-deprecates without even mentioning his wife. “Man, I would work out, but I’m just too lazy, and I just love pizza and ice cream too much! Lol!”

Clearly Christian men don’t think it’s inappropriate to joke about their personal failures in this way. That’s why I think Iron Rule #9 is my personal favorite, because making the conscious decision to live by it gives you light-bulb moment after light-bulb moment in your day-to-day interactions. I can personally attest to this, having been trained for most of my life to see self-deprecation as a good thing. In The Rational Male on page 234, Rollo wrote a couple sentences that make this point especially clear:

The message is ‘women love men who laugh at Men’. Thus, you have to be hyper-aware of it and unlearn it. You have to catch yourself in mid-sentence so to speak. Women operate in the sub-communications and when you overtly admit to a lack of confidence in yourself or your collective gender you may as well just LFBJ yourself.

Page 234 of The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi

Rollo was talking mostly about women in this particular paragraph, but I would extend this to interactions where men are your primary or only audience. You do have to be hyper-aware of it, because catching yourself before you open your mouth takes a conscious, focused act of the will. The action itself is simple; It’s just keeping your mouth shut, basically. But, when you do stop yourself from self-deprecating, you will immediately feel a strong desire being denied its usual satisfaction. You want to make yourself look bad. It’s uncomfortable to not do it. But, it’s an eye-opening moment, because now you’re starting to see your self-deprecation for what it really is. Before you thought it was no big deal, but then you actually implemented the rule, and now it’s clear that it is a very big deal indeed. You really wanted to cut yourself down in front of your friends and family.

Stopping yourself before self-deprecation is good for you. The more you do it, the more your realize how pathetic it was all along. You enjoyed taking the opportunity to advertise what a loser you are. Heck, it gets you cheap laughs, doesn’t it? Relieves a little anxiety, right? Keeps everyone’s expectations low, and you can take comfort in embracing the truth that you’re just a lame, unexceptional dude among many. Stopping and recognizing your insecure behavior for what it really is will only reinforce your desire to keep it to yourself.

To my readers, if this is a lesson you haven’t learned yet, I highly recommend it. Implementing rule #9 yields immediate results. You don’t have to be in denial about your negative self image, but for God’s sake and your own, keep it to yourself! You will instantly see why once you take that simple step. Just because you have a character flaw relevant to the topic of conversation does not mean you should tell everyone about it. Stifle that desire to expose your failings! Your friends and family won’t even know to think less of you if you don’t tell them about it in the first place, so stop being your own worst enemy. You want to know a basic, simply way to improve your own confidence and self-esteem in general? This is the way to go.

Hope is WAY better than no hope.

A superchat on Vox Day’s darkstream on the 12th said that false hope is better than no hope. Vox said this in response (17:36-18:09):

Here’s the thing- You can’t know whether hope is true or false until after the fact. So, hope is better than no hope. Whether things work out or not, it’s always better. If you’re not gonna play the game, then just go home. Just be quiet, go home, and, you know, live your life in fear.

Vox Day is absolutely right. The stream’s overall context was centered around the political turmoil in the United States. What will happen on the 20th-22nd is unknown to us. Some people think President Trump will pull off an amazing feat that will not only keep him in office, but tear down evil men and women who are ruling our country in the process. Since we don’t know what will happen, the best thing we can do is hope for the best.

Black-pilled people are, of course, pessimistic. They sense impending doom and insist that the worst outcome is inevitable. They’ve been disappointed plenty of times before, and they suspect that they’ll be disappointed yet again if Trump loses his presidency. However, rather than remain quiet, these individuals feel compelled to advise their optimistic family and friends against feeling any kind of hope. In their mind, it’s better to deflate their optimism now so they won’t be disappointed when they don’t get what they hope for.

This is where Vox’s remark about being quiet and going home comes in. Pessimists help no one. They forget that even if the worst does happen and Joe Biden becomes our president, they and their family and friends will still be disappointed. So why bother? Black-pillers really don’t consider this fact because they’re so preoccupied with embracing defeat. When all hope is lost, they honestly expect that their family and friends will appreciate them for their defeatist attitude. They won’t of course, but pessimists don’t know that. The best they’ll get is a sorrowful admission that they turned out to be right. There’s no newfound love or respect, just despair.

As Vox said, if you won’t have hope for the future, it would be better to be quiet and just go home. At least then you won’t be known for being that one member of the family who tears them down the moment they express hope for the future.

Oh, and never ever forget- the black pillers and pessimists “knew” that Trump wouldn’t win the presidency in 2016 either. We all know how wrong they were before, and it’s absolutely possible that they will be dead wrong once again.

Worried About The Election? Don’t Tell Women About It.

I am not stressed about the election. Our president, Donald Trump, won. There’s no question that we’re being lied to about Joe Biden winning, that voter fraud is afoot, and social media giants are working overtime to demoralize the good guys. I’m still not stressed out. I haven’t lost sleep, started drinking, or anything else uncharacteristically fearful in nature. I still expect Trump to win, albeit the side of evil is going to put up a bigger fight than I expected.

While I am not experiencing anxiety or stress over the possibility that Trump will lose, I do see some men who are. I strongly recommend you keep that to yourself, or strictly between yourself and other men in your life. Don’t let your wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, nieces, etc. know that you’re fighting the urge to consume tons of comfort food to help you cope. That means don’t say it on social media where you know other women will see it. Btw, if you rarely drink and you suddenly buy a six-pack of beer, you’ve already failed because you tipped your hand to your own inner turmoil.

For husbands especially, it’s not cute to publicly reveal that you’re on pins and needles. That’s a huge turn-off for wives, and it will prompt your children to feel like they should be truly scared. You don’t want that, and nor do they. Kids need a strong, confidant dad, and women need a strong husband. Even if you’re experiencing weakness, you gain absolutely nothing by disclosing that to them. Resisting the urge to do so ironically is a sign of strength. You don’t have to lie that you’re not worried, but you do need to stay calm and stoic. When you crush your desire to reveal your weakness, then only your resolute, un-disturbed demeanor is what your wife and kids will see. That’s when you prove to them that they can rely on you to keep calm and navigate the ship through the dark times. Your stoic manliness will eradicate the worst of their fears. And always remember:

I Corinthians 16:13 (ESV): Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.