Tag Archives: tiedi

Debunking the Myth that “Marital Sex Is Not A Solution For Lust”

Bnonn & Foster sent out their latest newsletter yesterday titled, “Notes on manhood 2021 week #25″. In it they revealed that they’re still just as stunted in their views of biblical sexuality as your standard Christian feminist:

Let us leave behind magic numbers, and move onto wise principles for knowing whether a couple is ready for marriage. Here are five: (…) 5. Focus on training your sons and daughters to harness their sexual energy towards productive ends. So much of the young marriage stuff is motivated by parents who think their children can’t overcome lust and stay chaste into their early 20s. But marrying young is not a solution for this. Sex does not cure lust; it merely channels sexual energy licitly. A man who has not learned to control his eyes before marriage, for instance, is not going to do any better after marriage, and is frankly not marriage material.

This kind of attitude towards marital sex can be found everywhere. At Blazing Grace, Mike Genung wrote a scathing piece on this subject, but it can be summed up with this paragraph:

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Nice Christian Ladies Will Ruin Your Marriage.

Most married Christian men have no clue what female Christian authors write in their books or web articles. Why would they? Reading a book about relationships by a woman sounds about as much fun as listening to her whine about her feelings and emotions. It’s too bad, because when Christian men do turn a critical eye to the written works of atheists and heretics, we can expose all manner of evil and warn others to stay away. Were we to treat books and other written works that so-called Christian women write in the same manner, we wouldn’t buy them. We certainly wouldn’t give their relationship advice to our wives for their edification.

Here’s a sampling of the kind of things you can expect your wife to be taught when she buys books by these nice Christian ladies who just want what is best for her (Page 121 of When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede).

I’m going to offer a few ideas for you and your husband to consider implementing when you are ready to be sexually intimate. Encourage your husband to verbally ask you if you’d like to be sexual with him. This will help you feel respected and will allow you the freedom to say no with honesty and without repercussion.

Here’s how a nice Christian lady will ruin your marriage. Think of some nice lady, perhaps a truly born-again believer, who is soft-spoken and polite in your company, and is enthusiastic about teaching women how to be Godly women. This is the kind of person who writes books like these. They’ll nicely and politely take your wife aside and teach her how to talk to you in a specific, manipulative manner so that she can get out of having sex with you. And feel unafraid in doing so. It’s also in the guise of a book with a pious-sounding title- healing your wounded heart. She just wants to help your wife!… Supposedly.

How about a web-article by Sheila Wray Gregoire? What Does 1 Corinthians 7:5–Do Not Deprive Each Other–Really Mean?

First, let’s note what this verse does not say. Paul did not write:

Do not refuse one another, except by mutual consent and for a time…

He wrote do not deprive.

Deprive is not the same as refuse. I believe many people interpret this verse to mean refuse. Are women obligated to have sex every time a man wants it? Are we ever allowed to refuse?

Well, let’s look more closely at deprive.

If I were to say to you, “do not deprive your child of good food,” what am I implying? I’m saying that your child should get the food that is commonly recognized for good health: three healthy meals a day, with some snacks. I am not saying that every time your child pulls at your leg and says, “Mommy, can I have a bag of cheetos?” that you have to say yes. You are not depriving your child of good food by refusing a request for Cheetos.

Isn’t this exactly the kind of advice you want your wife to be given unbeknownst to you? She’s instructing your wife to think of your desire for sex as akin to a kid who wants mommy to give him Cheetos. That way if she feels tempted to turn you down for sex, then it will be okay to do it. If this weren’t a female Christian author teaching this, you’d think this was some white-trash busybody, recklessly encouraging wives to hold their husbands in as much contempt as she holds hers. But, since she’s a nice Christian lady, she gets away with it.

How about another book, this one by Mary Kassian & Nancy Leigh DeMoss? This one is called True Woman 201: Interior Design – Ten Elements of Biblical Womanhood (Page number N/A.)

According to the Bible, a wife’s submission is her choice alone. A husband has no right to demand it or to try to extract obedience from her. His only responsibility is to love her, woo her, and humbly sacrifice himself for her as Christ did for the church.

Translation: “If your husband demands you obey him, he needs to mind his own business.” Isn’t that exactly how you want your wife responding to you when you remind her that she’s required to do things your way? Hey, Buddy, your only responsibility is to love, woo, and sacrifice. What do you think you’re doing trying to demand my submission??

Wives have enough difficulty accepting their God-given mandate to obey their husbands. The temptation to disobey is never not there. When a so-called nice Christian lady comes along and informs your wife that she has a way out of that, what do you think she’s going to do? She isn’t going to reply like an apologist and refute what the nice lady said. She isn’t going to say, “Wait- Christ demanded our obedience. In fact, he said in John 14:15 that if we love him we’ll keep his commandments, so I don’t think it’s out of bounds for my husband to do the same.” No. That’s how a man would respond, but your wife is not a man. Her struggle to obey you was difficult enough before this lady came along and encouraged her to give up the fight. Now she’s thinking it’s her perogative alone to submit, and if you try to enforce that, she can tell you to back off.

My advice? Don’t let your wife read female Christian authors. The nicest ladies in the world are going to politely and respectfully ruin your marriage if given the chance. Don’t let it happen.